W 5~0

The Stanton sisters wanted to get on first as their alcohol levels were dropping and wanted to get to the pub. Dick Dastardly (Ash) looking a little red eyed went on against another tax dodging student. Being half cut, swearing in front of his mother ("Language Timothy!") watching on the balcony, and his opponent never short of a trembling bottom lip, it would have been appropriate to bring out the "naughty step" for the match.
Unsurprisingly DD was never in the game losing 3-0, but at least he got the grades he needed! Penelope (Stefan) also had that red-eyed look & lost the 1st game – having had the cheek to question Muttley on a "no let" call.
"Use your eyes" shouted Penelope!! The next 3 games saw her get her act together & come through against a tidy opponent. Whilst the iceman is away in Iceland (not shopping with Kerry Catona) Peter Perfect (Chris) was up against a very useful opponent at one and was back doing his impression of a headless chicken - but not at his best, he struggled and managed only 4 pts.
Peter taking one for the team and losing 3-0. L'il Gruesome (James) pumped up and "never going to give you up" ready to go, took on big Leon.... The proper L'il G turned up tonight and ran his opponent ragged... L'il G won 3-0. Was it the new hair do? Or was Rick Astley really now playing squash for Hart, as the autograph hunters at the door claimed? Last up Muttley
(Rob) with the team score 2-2. Again all on Muttley to decide the fate of the match. He started slowly losing the first 9-1, but with encouragement from the balcony, stormed the next 2, only to then lose the 4th 9-1. So the winner of the fifth wins the game, match and the league for that team. No pressure... Muttley dug deep and held on for a 3-2 win.
Muttley is to Hart what Freddie is to England. Indispensible!

W 3~2

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L 1~4

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W 3~2

W 5~0

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W 4~1

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W 3~2

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W 5~0

First off the grid was The Sergeant (Simon) against the same opponent from the away leg, which SB had won in a close 5-gamer, but this time around on his favoured "Hellmand" court it was different - The Sergeant steam-rollered his opponent 3-0. Meanwhile Mac (Mac) was playing s*** and losing the first 2. There was respite in the 3rd when his opponent played more s*** than Mac but then normal s*** squash was resumed in the 4th & Mac went down 1-3.
After the game, The Hooded Claw (who had been marking) briefly went into hiding, fearful that Mac was less than pleased with some of his decisions.
The Hooded Claw (Richard) followed SB onto Hellmand court & took the 1st game striking the ball sweetly into the 4 corners. Not sure what happened after that: - THC's top-half continued to strike the ball sweetly, but the legs were reluctant to get his top-half into position. He frequently made his opponent look flat-footed and clueless with more sublime strikes, but the malfunctioning legs were a handicap & THC went down 1-3. Blubber Bear
(Paul) was up next & took the 1st game, but then came the obligatory 2nd game snooze. He must have given himself a good talking to as the next 2 games went by in less time than it now takes Lil'G (Rick Astley?) to towel his hair dry, 9-0, 9-0. A 3-1 win for BB. With the tie poised at 2-2, the No
1 strings entered the fray. This was like a scene from the Wizard of Oz!
Sunglasses were needed on the balcony to temper the bright flashes from his new gold bling-bling club. Gravel Slag's (Jason) opponent played the role of the Tin-man right from the knock-up. Tin after tin after tin. After Slag had won the 1st game, tin-man changed his racquet; - result more tins & 2nd game to Slag 9-0. Third game was a little tighter but still a 3-0 win for Slag.

L 1~4

L 1~4

W 5~0

W 4~1

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W 3~2

W 5~0

L 1~4

W 3~2

W 4~1

W 3~2

L 0~5

Pete started & was playing an inexperienced youngster who ran well but Pete just hit the ball harder and harder (the soft front walls were not going to effect Pete)& his opponent could not live with the pace. So a comfortable 3-0 win. Meanwhile Elliot was playing a wily old player who dropped and lobbed him to death in the 1st game but by then Elliot had worked him out and polished him off for a 3-1 win. On went Warren at No. 1; he was coming back from injury so the rust showed in the 1st game with too many winning shots hitting the T. However in the 2nd game Warren came to life to get us back to 1-1, & it looked like only one winner, but Warren re-discovered the tin. Not good news - so a 3-1 defeat. Ashley was playing another wily old player with lots of drops but with fine running and a good mix of shots, a 2-0 lead was achieved. Then Ashley fell asleep - 2-1; but a severe talking to by Elliot re-focused him (stop hitting the ball to him was the gist of the conversation) and Ashley finished it off 3-1. Kerry was playing a wily ‘nearly old’ player and being a wily old player himself, a drop shot fest ensued which went to the 5th. Would Kerry have any legs left? Answer yes (cream teas in Cornwall obviously help) and a 9-0 final game for a 3-2 win.
Hart 4 Caversham 1 - Massed celebrations ensued!!

L 2~3

L 1~4

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L 1~4

L 2~3

L 2~3

L 0~5

L 1~4

L 2~3

W 4~1