4/10 – “Early Bath” for the Seconds

Caversham Health & Fitness 2 were the visitors to Hart

1) Paul gets a semi
2) Elliott can’t last the distance
3) Simon runs out of steam
4) Tom pulls a minger
5) Mac’s all huff and no puff

Paul gets a semi

Everyone expects Dog V2 to win these days. Maybe even Chris Locks after Dog’s recent 3-2 win but this was always going to be a tough match against a very evenly matched opponent. The momentum was certainly with Dog when he managed to pull the match back to 2-2. However, with only a little more staying power needed, Dog was clearly demonstrating a hangover from too many nights of midnight babestation and fell away to a 3-2 loss.

At the pub Dogv2 was not in his normal mood and opted for ordering a half pint of semi skimmed milk as his after match drink. True Doggie behaviour.

Verdict: Good staying power but too much practice before the big match.

Elliott can’t last the distance

Short and quick may be the aim for Usain Bolt but Elliott proved there are many other sports where lasting more than 3 minutes without a rest can work in your favour. Lots of grunting and plenty of swinging his racket got him fired up but without any accuracy he was never going to win. Whilst carrying an injury to his achilles he did at least ensure there was no waiting for the outcome and we could all get to the bar early. Result 0-3 loss.

Verdict: Short and not sweet.

Simon runs out of steam

Potentially a very even match loomed when Simon and his ‘partner’ warmed up…and continued to warm up… and continued until I took on the marking and the game began. Very soon, both players were puffing as some high quality squash was played. Even the infamous Simon volley’s were squeezing in and putting pressure on his rather wide armed opponent. However, despite it being very close at 5-5 in the first, a run of errors cost Simon and he soon found himself 0-1 down. The 2nd and 3rd games followed suit with Simon often outplaying his opponent at one minute before letting a few points slip the next. Result 0-3 loss.

Verdict: Too much foreplay and not enough finishing off.

Tom pulls a minger

Despite struggling to digest a bowl of shreddies eaten an hour earlier, Tom walked on court and felt confident of beating the Bradley Wiggins look alike. Admittedly this confidence disappeared when he found himself 0-8 down after eight points, but there was hope…actually no…first game lost 1-9. However, plenty of self-abuse helped kick start the May-engine but tragedy struck when at 3-3 Tom felt a something tear following a rather large lunge. Despite Mac telling me I had left a bollock at the front of the court, it turned out to be his right hamstring which left him only with his natural squash ability left, and no running, to try and win the match. This was never going to work and the pulled hamstring led to an early retirement. Result 0-3 loss

Verdict: Not enough regular action led to an overly pulled muscle.

All huff and no puff

Mac was not feeling well and was suffering from a back injury. However, marking Mac’s game (Dogv2 found ANOTHER excuse not to mark!) was always a pleasure. Deciding not to caress the ball like a ladies breast, he instead opted to whack it like a …………….. [insert own simile] which meant that each point was either an outright winner or slightly below red line tinner. In fairness, for someone not feeling 100%, Mac played well and was close on several occasions to winning each game. Result 0-3 loss.

Overall a 2-20 loss. Potentially our heaviest defeat since Jason Knight played in the team.

Man of the Match: Can only by Dog v2 for ensuring it was not a complete whitewash.



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