Hart Squash

Having risen from 3rd string in the 3rd’s to 5^th string in the 2nd’s (follow!!), I knew we were in for another tough night. Coupled with the fact we were playing the Army my worries were only compounded.

There was of course a knock-on effect for the third team & before I go on, I should just mention Adrian won 3-1 playing at 5 for the 3rd’s (Ed.: O shucks, it was nothing!)

On first was Rob W, playing some cr*p squash. After a first game drubbing, he regrouped & came back on – and again played cr*p squash. No amount of shouting moaning and smacking the ball around the court (in between points I might add) helped. He appeared for the 3^rd in a much better frame of mind, however he again continued to play cr*p squash and lost the third, 0-3.

Did I mention Adrian won 3-1 playing at 5 for the 3rd’s! (Ed: cant say I remember!)

On the other court Elliot was strutting his stuff, and it seemed that the superglue holding his chin to his chest had been removed. His recent elevation in the Order of Merit had obviously rubbed off well & he played like a new man, even returning the ball to his opponent when he lost a point. He was made to work hard for his points but always seemed in control. Can’t remember who won what and when but I do know he won the last game! 3-1 WELL DONE ELLIE!!!!!!

Next on was Paul K at 1, looking very bemused at his opponents multi coloured strings. Trouble was he spent the first game looking at them too much and didn’t notice the ball. After getting contact numbers for his opponents ‘re-stringer’ (could be a made up word!) Paul returned to his casual clinical style and took the second quite comfortably. However it wasn’t to last and he succumbed to the pressure of not offering a multi coloured re-stringing service and lost the next 2, 1-3.

You’ll never guess what but Adrian has just come off court playing at 5 for the 3rd’s and had won 3-1 (Ed: How does he do it?!!!)

Next on was Richard and Hilmar. For Richard see Rob above!!!!!!!!!!

For Hilmar I have know idea as I didn’t see his game and he never made it to the pub. I did here the usual roar of a pussy cat, and no doubt the marker was rubbish, other than that I can’t offer much insight in to his demise, 1-3 (I think).

Overall a 4~1 defeat.

P.S. Paul would like to point out that it was just a coincidence that the rackets used by the 4 losers were re-strung by him and he continues to offer an excellent service (make your own mind up) He will also be offering a multi coloured string in the New Year.

P.P.S. Adrian won at No.5 for the 3rd’s, 3-1

Didn’t see much of the third team action but think it went like this:

Mac 1-3 – Loads of effort, minimal reward

Kerry 3-2 – It was an “epic”, a match that Kerry enjoyed, not sure about the spectators!

Paul B. 3-0 – Maintaining a 100% record

Dave 3-1 – A winning return to the team

ADRIAN 3-1 – Its all been said before!

First up was Pockets (Kim), making a guest appearance. He hasn’t been playing much lately due to injury and to while the time away had been indulging in a new training regime involving ice-cream and chocolate. This was fairly apparent to the gallery during his game and although there were a few nice touches, Pockets managed only to accumulate 11 points to his opponent’s 27 and so succumbed 0-3.

Then it was Sergeant Blast’s (Simon) turn to wear the first team “cannon-fodder” badge this week. Perfect Peter informed SB that his opponent was “like me”. Armed with this knowledge SB set about attempting to crack his opponent across the bridge of the nose knowing that this may result in a premature end to the game. Unfortunately the tactic did not come off, and it was he who controlled the match! However, SB kept the white flag well hidden and battled away – though he too only managed a tally of 11 points going down 0-3.

Penelope (Stefan), attired in a more “masculine” outfit played a shocker. The word “disgusting” was heard to reverberate around the club both during and after the game. Penelope complained that she “couldn’t hit the ball” and that all she did was to feed his opponent. The “feeding” bit continued later as Penelope resorted to comfort eating by demolishing both hers and Perfect Peter’s supper together with an unspecified quantity of doughnuts. Another 0-3 defeat.

Perfect Peter (Chris) attempted to bring some dignity to the team, & took the first game with some fast and furious squash. His opponent stayed with him and the next couple of games were tight, though Peter was edged out in both. The final game and Peter didn’t have enough weapons to draw level and so went down 1-3. PP left early (no shower again) and so enabled Penelope’s feeding frenzy.

Danny was last on playing a youngster in a “British Open” T-shirt.

This match, like Peter’s was another cracking and good-humoured game and although Danny went down 0-3, there were a couple of breakers and it was nip-and-tuck all the way.

Overall a 0-5 (1-20) defeat for Hart