Bounty so far this season were unbeaten and top of the league….you know what’s coming don’t you! Mac knew Richards opponent and he said he was keen to watch the match. Unfortunately Mac’s opponent had arrived and so he had to go on at the same time as Richard. Fortunately he was stuffed 3-0 and so got to watch Richards game after all. Richard was however 1-1, having lost the first game (never a good sign). But, buoyed by the responsibility of the No.1 spot (yes I know it’s the 3rd team) he continued to grind down his opponent, and the marker, who walked off in a huff, and won, yes won!!!!!!!!! 3-1, 6-9, 9-3 9-3 9-2.. On went The Smith (Ashley), and blimey was he on form. There’s little to say about the ‘match’ as The Smith played so bloody well. I have to concede that it’s a long time since I’ve seen anybody middle the ball on practically every shot played, he was GOOD. Only allowing his opponent 5 serves The Smith won 3-0, 27-0. Superb squash!! One more win and we would done what no other team had managed this year, and what Adrian must only have dreamed about. Next up Elliot who managed a comfortable win 3-0. However the elder statesmen of the team conceded that in fact Elliot needed to be a little more brutal in his squash and questioned why he walks around the court with his chin stuck to his chest?? He was also given a few stern words on his etiquette, “remember Elliot when you loose a point you give the ball back to your opponent!!” So there you have it, we couldn’t lose. Paul at 5 had nothing to gain and everything to lose…he didn’t want to sit with Mac in ‘****ers corner’. However, he was quickly 2-0 down and looking beaten. With the return of his team mates from the shower (make your own mind up but Mac, Smith and Stanton all appeared together), Paul found a new lease of life and took the third. Quite frankly Richard was miffed as he was marking and was keen to experience the delightful beers on offer. The Smith took over & Paul rapped up his match in fine fashion playing some great shots, winning 3-2, and Hart, the winners 4~1. Fantastic!
Muttley got promoted to cannon-fodder for the firsts and the ever-amiable Prof joined Max and SB for the long trek down to Hungerford. The Prof (Phil) was first up against Gor-Don of the drop-shot.. Wherever Prof hit the ball, the reply was a drop-shot. Straight drops, angled drops, cross-court drops, boast-drops, volley-drops. Even the normal cheery sparkle on the Prof’s face dropped. The Prof dropped the first leg 3-0. Meanwhile Red Max (Hilmar) was winding-up the tempo, not to mention his opponent on the other court. The highlight was Max’s opponent losing his rag at the Icelandic roar. After some 3-way discussions between players and marker it was decided that as Max was being neither rude nor un-sportsman-like, just very LOUD. Max was too strong for his now partially deaf opponent and came through in 3 games. Sergeant Blast (Simon) mis-fired his way around the court and later complained that the courts were so noisy that he couldn’t hear the ball on his opponents racket. Anyway, despite being “in” the first 2 games, SB failed to win enough points (too many mistakes) and soon found himself 2-0 down. There was some hope in the 3rd as SB got to 9-8 but then played a couple of scruffy points to lose the 3rd 10-8. Blubber Bear (Paul) was more of a Grizzly Bear in his game. He never really got going, the air was blue and the marker was delusional – awarding strokes instead of no-lets almost exclusively to Grizzly’s disadvantage. Grizzly managed to sneak a game but it ended 3-1 to Herongate. Clyde (Ian) was last on. His opponent was late because he had been playing elsewhere earlier – an ominous sign. Clyde battled hard and gave his opponent a lot of bother, particularly in the 3rd but a few errors from Clyde and almost error-free squash from his opponent was telling. Clyde went down 0-3 and the team 4-1.
Gareth went on first and the match was over before Muttley (Rob) had time to warm up. Things did not go to plan…. and Gareth conceded – injured with a ruptured calf. Only 4 points were played in the match, but it could have gone either way! Muttley feared the worst against an opponent who was listening to the latest JLS or Jay-Zee album on his ipod during the knock-up. Anyway not too much time longer, Muttley came off having been thrashed 3-0 and wondering if the trip to Hungerford might have been a better option. William Hanna (Robbi) fared no better at the top of the order. Although a few mistakes in his game, there were signs that William could match his opponent; however this turned out not to be the case and duly lost 3-0. Peter Perfect (Chris) was keen to bring some pride to the team & came out fighting like a granny after too many tots of whisky… He was down 5-0 in each game and after levelling at 5-5 in each game, then went on to lose each game. Another 3-0 defeat. Peter could not face the pub and decided to avoid showering (again!) and go home to play with his lego. So it was all down to Penelope (Stefan) at 3 to see if we could get a point from the match (& a bit of pride). To cut a long story short, no. Penelope lost 3-0 too. However it must be noted that Penelope is now sporting a tight fitting rash vest, type “skins” long sleeve t-shirt to play squash in. However this only accentuates the curves of Penelope’s body, being the moobs and beer belly. In fact, a bit like Hilmar’s but a bit more feminine!
After that result, next match for Hart first team is against the under 7 girls blind squash team.
This was always going to be a toughy, with Caversham top of the table and Hart missing most of their regular 2nd team.
First up was The Sergeant (Simon) playing “Rip” on Helmand court – where else? SB started slowly but kept plugging away and despite being down in every game came through in 3 straight games, finishing the match with a cute “framed” overhead – and so it was RIP to a less than happy Rip.
Meanwhile Mad Max (Hilmar) was battling away though struggling with his form. Max lost the first game but took the second with that familiar Icelandic roar. Max felt his game was lacking and attempted to excuse himself later, blaming his recent outings in some Swiss club Anyway, Max failed to find his form and slipped to a 3-1 defeat.
Softy (Keith) followed SB on court and never really got going. That said, his opponent played a steady almost error-free game. Softy faded as the game progressed and went down 3-0.
Lazy Luke played a bandana-wearing-bearded-veteran who ran like the wind. Luke floundered in the first game and at 8-0 down in the second, things were looking bleak. Luke upped the pace and battled heroically to get back to 8-6 only to drop the game. Luke had shot his bolt by now and the 3rd game drifted away another 3-0 to Caversham.
Last on was The Prof (Phil). It was a good start – he was 8-4 up in the first game and but then dropped the next 6 points – ouch. The Prof did manage to close out the second but his opponent (who was doing a passable impersonation of Henri Leconte) barely missed in the next two games and despite Prof’s efforts, Caversham took the spoils 3-1.
Overall a 1-4 (5-18) defeat for Hart.
Lil G (James) was on first and decided that as Christmas was approaching he would gift the first 6 points by hitting the tin 6 times. A loud expletive then followed – for which he was given a warning by the referee. Bad boy! Bucking up his ideas, he came from game ball down to win the first, and with a new found length as suggested by the team, never looked back and cruised to a 3-0 win. His opponent should have been given a warning for racket abuse, destroying 2 rackets in the course of the match.
Meanwhile Clyde (Ian), eager to get back to work in London, quietly dispatched his opponent 3-0 in a fairly uneventful match. At 2-0 up it was looking good…..
Peter Perfect (Chris) was on next and played a shocker, and shall be known as Piss Poor Peter until he reduces his error count. Maybe he was missing Ashley in the team. Piss Poor Pete went down 3-0….I won’t mention the point count…..ok I will 4-27.On the neighbouring court William Hanna (Robbi) was made to look like Hannah Montana against a lanky opponent who seems to be the dark horse of the premier league. The maths student differentiated by first principles Miss Montana in an accurate and calculated fashion winning 3-0….I won’t mention the point count….ok I will 3-27.
At 2-2 it was down to Penelope (Stefan) to put down the make-up, don the blouse and win the match….
Well, that was the idea, but a 0-2 down, things were looking rather dire. After some shouting and cursing, Penelope started a comeback taking the third in epic style, and the fourth destroying a tiring opponent 9-1.
So it was down to the 5th, and after some dubious refereeing, a match point in our favour, and Penelope allowing his opponent to get his breath back by arguing with the ref, it was 8-8. On receiving serve, Penelope forgot where he was and what game he was playing and decided to almost catch the ball with his racket as if he was about to ask for a let but forgot to open his mouth and then hit the ball. His opponent took advantage and closed out the game 10-8. All very bizarre.